U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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