dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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