Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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