I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
