it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
