Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
