I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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