I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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