You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
