Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
