She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
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