Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
