and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
