So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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