dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
