my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
