I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
