every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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