Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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