Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
