In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
