I'm sorry my penis didn't work
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
