whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
