i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
