i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
tell me about the eggs
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
