Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
