I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
