why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
