Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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