peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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