Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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