Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
