literally had 100 drinks last night.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
