if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
