So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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