My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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