Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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