You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
This house was built for laser tag.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
