Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
