Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I just saw a hot homeless man
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
