Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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