I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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