you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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