Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
