I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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