No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
