I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
My breasts were aching with rage.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
