i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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