I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
