brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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